


A Beautiful Melody

by lunabelle



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Children, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Family, Friendship, Loss, Love, Recovery, major character illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-13 20:21:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4535982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunabelle/pseuds/lunabelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an event leaves the Ludgate-Dwyer home reeling, Andy and April try to move past tragedy and remember the things that are most important in their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mouse Rat Onesie

“Close your eyes, and don’t peek,” April crept up behind Andy and placed her hands over his eyes. He was sitting on the couch playing video games, and her footsteps had been silent. Andy laughed and tried to turn toward his wife, but April held him firmly in place.

“Woah, babe, what’re we doing right now?” She heard the excitement in his voice. “Doesn’t matter, I’m into it—“

“No,” she laughed. “I have a surprise for you! Keep your eyes closed while I get it. No peeking.”

Andy replaced her hands with his own and waited, a huge grin on his face. April’s footsteps disappeared into the other room, and a minute later, he heard her approach again. He felt her place something lightweight into his lap. 

“Can I look now?”

“Yup.”

The giddiness in April’s voice was what made Andy the most excited. His wife was usually her happiest when she was with him and their little family, but something like this, some surprise even he wasn’t aware of…Andy was intrigued. They usually shared everything. He pulled his hands away and looked down.

Sitting in his lap was a tiny black onesie, made out of one of Andy’s old Mouse Rat band tee shirts. He looked up at April with his mouth hanging open. 

“April…is this…you mean…This shirt, this is the one Leslie made for us when we told her you were pregnant with Jack—“ he looked down in disbelief.

“And the one I took out again when we found out I was pregnant with Allie,” April said in his ear, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Honey…please tell me you’re not pranking me or anything, I mean, is this for real?”

“Yes,” she nodded her head, laughing. “Why would I prank you about something like this?”

“I dunno, I just…thought we were done, I didn’t know you wanted any more…We’ve been so careful and everything…I—I’m just…this is awesome!” He stood up and met April on the other side of the couch and wrapped her in a hug, covering her entirely and kissing her.

“Should we wake up the kids and tell them?” he asked, his face buried in her hair.

“Not yet,” April told him. “They’re too young to understand, and I wanna wait until we have our first appointment. Is that okay with you?”

“Absolutely,” Andy said. “Let’s get you off your feet, soon-to-be mom of three,” He very gently picked her up like a new bride and carried her to the couch, placing her down lightly and flopping down next to her. April snuggled up to his side, resting her head on his shoulder.

 

FOUR MONTHS LATER

Day 1

12:00 AM

Andy quietly closed the door to his son’s room. Jack and Allie had been asleep for hours already, but as he tended to do most nights, Andy made the nightly check up on their children before either he or April went to bed.

He didn’t think anything could compare to falling in love with and marrying the girl of his dreams, but Andy had to admit that fatherhood was awesome. He had never felt anything come so naturally (other than falling in love with April, of course) and relished the time spent with his family.

Crossing the hall to his own room, he slipped into bed and wrapped his arm over his sleeping wife. This is how they fell asleep most nights. April would usually fall asleep first as Andy would lay behind her, pressed against her back and protectively wrapping an arm over her to rest on her stomach. April had fallen asleep much earlier tonight than usual, so Andy knew she was down for the count with no chance of noticing him. Softly planting a kiss on the back of her head, he rested his palm on the tiny swell of her stomach where their soon-to-be third child grew.


	2. Ringing Phone

Day 1

6:00 AM

April was tired. Looking in the mirror, a pale face with noticeably dark, under eye circles stared back at her. Getting out of bed that morning had been almost as hard as giving birth, at least in her mind. Her body would not budge and April literally had to drag herself out. 

“You love tormenting me don’t you, demon Dwyer spawn,” she mumbled, looking at her stomach’s reflection. Wearing one of Andy’s tee-shirts and too-large sweatpants, she slowly made her way down the hall, past the bathroom where she could hear Andy’s shower running and into her daughter’s room.

Allie was already wide awake, clutching the bars of her crib. She smiled when she saw her mother enter the room.

“Mommyyyyy,” she said happily, pulling herself up. April scooped her out of the crib and kissed her head. 

“Morning baby,” she smiled. 

April felt that she and Andy had been blessed with the two most amazing children anyone could ask for. She had no idea she was meant to be a mother until she was. The day she held Jack in her arms for the first time, something in her changed that she knew she’d never be able to get over. Andy had always wanted children, but she had been so nervous she’d screw them up, she never stopped to think about all the wonderful things that she was getting to experience now.

“Let’s go get your Jack-Jack,” she said.

Jack was wide awake as well, sitting in his toddler bed looking at a picture book. April beamed at him. Three year old Jack and eighteen month old Allie were her children, but both looked like mini versions of their father. Jack had her coloring, but Andy’s face. Allie was like a tiny female Andy, from the curly, sandy brown hair to the big green eyes. Andy joked that he wanted a little mini girl April during her second pregnancy, but their daughter arrived pink and crying and fair skinned as her father. April didn’t mind; she loved seeing her husband in the faces her children. However, maybe the third time around would be different. Maybe their third child would finally look completely like her. Honestly she didn’t care as long as they had a healthy kid.

Andy was on his way out of the shower as April and the kids passed the bathroom on their way downstairs. She caught his eye, and grinned at him. Immediately his children screamed, “Daddy!” as Jack ran to Andy, still with a towel wrapped around his middle.

“Morning big man!” Andy said, scooping his son up and swinging him over his shoulders. Jack giggled, and April leaned over for a quick kiss as the family made their way downstairs for breakfast. “Last one there doesn’t get any candy!” Andy yelled from halfway down the stairs. Then, “Oh shoot, no Jack, don’t pull Daddy’s towel off!” once he had disappeared into the kitchen.

“Andy, put some pants on!” April called after him, shaking her head.

 

7:00 AM

“Babe? April? Babe you look super tired. Maybe you should call out of work today, get some rest. They’ll understand.” Andy looked at his wife as she stared half-heartedly at the bowl of uneaten cereal before her. She blinked and looked up at him like she just realized he was speaking to her. 

“Hmm?”

“You look so tired. You've been exhausted all week. You need to rest, stay home from work. I’ll ditch work too and stay with you, just like old times. You’ve been all pale for the last few days, and you barely eat anything. I mean, I know, cereal isn’t as awesome as like, waffles, or pancakes, but it’s all I know how to make at the moment—”

“No, Andy…I’m fine, really. I’m good. I’m finally getting over the morning sickness. I’m just about done with it. Remember when I was pregnant with Allie and I couldn’t eat breakfast for like a month?”

“Yeah, but—“

“This is the same thing. It sucks, but it’s one of those gross pregnancy things.”

April watched Andy stare at the children as they watched some old episodes of Johnny Karate. Allie kept pointing to the screen and yelling, “Daddy!” whenever her father was in front of the camera, which was most of the time. Turning his head back, Andy walked over to April and knelt down by her side. “You know I worry about you,” he said softly, and she could see that rare seriousness in his face. “You haven’t taken a day off in months. Please, just call in sick, just this once.”

April smiled at him, and reached out to stroke the side of his face where his hair and his ears met. “Fine! You win, okay? I’ll call out. Promise. But you need to go to work. You have a bunch of meetings today. I’ll be fine here by myself. I have Champion to keep me company,” she gestured to the aging, three-legged dog they had adopted not long after they were married. Champion slept curled in a ball in his favorite spot of sun right under the kitchen window.

“Okay,” Andy looked at the cereal again and back at April. “After I take the kids to daycare I’ll call and check up on you when I get into the studio.”

“Oh, babe,” April checked the date and remembered. “Do you think you can take the kids in before work for their flu shots at their pediatrician’s? I have their appointments scheduled at the same time so it can be a quick in and out.”

“Sure, no problem, I’m the best kids-getting-a-shot distractor there is. And tomorrow we have ours,” Andy looked at her, then squinted at the calendar on his phone.

“Yes,” April said. “I couldn’t schedule us all on the same day but I wanted the kids covered.”

“Any chance we can, you know, skip it? The doctor’s office sucks, they don’t even have any fun stuff in the waiting room,” he held his hands up like it was the most illogical thing in the world and waited for April to agree with him.

“No, babe, we can’t skip it. And yes, I agree, the waiting room is boring and lame, just like most adults in the world. But you and me, we’re awesome.”

Andy grinned at her.

 

9:25 AM

April stared at the television set, not really paying attention to whatever uninteresting program was on. The remote control sat by her untouched orange juice Andy had poured her before leaving, about an hour and a half ago. Sitting in a big pile of blankets, she pulled the big knit one Leslie made for them up to her chin and shivered. “Next time I get up,” she thought, “I’ll turn the heat up. It’s freezing in here.”

She had made the call to her work, explaining the situation. April knew it wasn’t a big deal. She had worked at the same place since she and Andy moved from Pawnee to Washington DC and he was right, she hadn’t really asked for a day off or used a sick day since her daughter was born. The truth was, she actually really loved her job, and unlike the younger April from her past, really enjoyed going in every day.

April sighed and rubbed her stomach. She hadn’t eaten all morning, but her appetite was gone. She knew it wasn’t good for the baby, so she made a mental note to actually try to force something down when she got up again. Truthfully, this was the worst bout of morning sickness she’d had so far, and the longest. The beginning of this pregnancy was more difficult than the last two by far. April was ten times more tired, ten times more nauseous, and all throughout the past couple of weeks since she’d come back from a business trip, she’d felt terrible. “Thank God for Andy,” she thought to herself. It was true, her husband was incredibly attentive to both their children and her. They had an appointment with her obstetrician in four more days to find out the sex of their new baby. Andy had been positively giddy with excitement, hoping for another girl, his little mini April he always talked about.

Smiling to herself, April tore off her cloak of blankets, swung her legs off the couch and stood, but stopped in her tracks instantly. Her brain suddenly did what felt to her like a back flip, and pops of white temporarily flashed across her eyes. Blinding pain hit her on both sides of her head. She suddenly realized she was sweating. April kept her hand on the couch to steady herself, holding completely still. “Shit,” she thought. “I really need to eat something.”

The sound of the phone ringing startled her. “Andy,” she thought. He must have finally made it to work and was calling to check on her like he said he would. She looked over to the telephone on the counter and made to grab it. April made it about four steps before another headache blast stopped her in her tracks, accompanied this time by a sharp pain in her abdomen. She felt overwhelmingly dizzy. The phone continued to ring. One more step, just one more. April felt cold. “Where’d I put that blanket?” she said aloud and to no one. 

The last thing she remembered before hitting the floor was the whoosh of colors as she felt herself fall, and a high pitched mechanical sound. The phone continued to ring.


	3. No Answer and Answers

DAY 1

10:00 AM

Andy paced back and forth in his work office, cell phone in hand. His desk sat in front of an open view, a complete floor-to-ceiling window looking out at the city. Desk work was never Andy’s favorite thing, but he enjoyed his job because he got to make kids happy. After the success of Johnny Karate, Andy and April wanted to use his love of music and performance to open their own studio for recording children’s songs. So, “Johnny Karate Records” was born, and Andy was in charge of it. 

He had his own studio space down the hall from his office. Not only did he get to keep up with Johnny Karate appearances, but oftentimes different bands would come in looking to record, and Andy would rent out his space after meeting with them to work out the details. It was awesome getting to help other new musicians out; he loved it almost as much as he loved performing. 

The best part was, the office building had a daycare on the first floor where Jack and Allie stayed while both he and April were working. This enabled him to take his kids to work every day and even visit them during lunch on occasion, and Andy couldn’t think of a better situation. The occasional Johnny Karate classroom performance for Jack’s preschool didn’t hurt either, especially after the incident where Jack had decided to paint his teacher’s chair a rather unique shade of red during arts and crafts. April had laughed for days about that.

Now, however, he continued to pace, dialing the home phone number again and again, getting more anxious every time it went to the machine. 

“Babe, it’s me. Did you go back to sleep? I dropped the kids off. Allie cried when she got her flu shot, but she’s feeling pretty good now because I gave her a cookie. I know you said no cookies for breakfast, but they always make me feel better. Jack did great, put on a brave face for his sister…uh, call me back, okay? Your cell phone must be off. Bye,” he sighed.

He checked the texts he’d sent over the past hour, not one of them had been answered. “April, ur phone off?” read one. Another, “Call me back, whats up?”

“April, where are you,” he thought to himself. She could be sleeping again…she was so tired lately. Andy had cleared the table for her at breakfast while she dressed the kids for daycare and had noticed she hadn't eaten any of the cereal he gave her. A small pang of nerves hit him in the stomach as he dialed again. He hung up as soon as he heard April’s recorded voice: “You’ve reached the Ludgate-Dwyer house. If we know you, leave a message, if not, don’t call back, or I WILL find you.” BEEP.

 

10:30 AM

Andy couldn’t wait any longer. After canceling his meetings for the rest of the day, he was already half way home. April still hadn’t called him back and now he had to check on her. “Stupid, stupid,” he thought to himself. “I should have stayed home with her, why did I go to work?”

He pulled into the drive way and scrambled out of the car. He could see that the TV was still on through the window. Opening the door, he called for her. “April? Honey?” He saw Champion laying on the floor near the couch. “April, I’m home…I shouldn’t have gone to work today, I came back to take care of you—“ Andy froze in his tracks. Looking down by the couch, heart jumping in his throat, he saw April lying on her back on the floor, eyes closed, and pale as a ghost. Champion was pressed up against her, resting his head on her shoulder. Suddenly dizzy, he dove down and gently lifted her up.

“APRIL. APRIL! It’s me, what happened? APRIL!” She gave no response. “No, no no no…” Andy immediately placed two fingers onto her upper neck, something he somehow remembered from his police officer exam training way back when. Her skin was burning up. He breathed a temporary sigh of relief when he felt her pulse, and took out his phone to call 9-1-1.

 

12:15 PM

The ambulance had arrived quickly. Andy wanted to ride with April in the back, initially refusing to leave her side, but the paramedics recommended he take his car after he told them they had children at daycare. Andy reluctantly agreed. There wasn’t anyone else to pick them up and he needed his car.

When they arrived at the hospital, a million things seemed to be happening at once. He was told to wait in a waiting room; they wouldn't let him past a certain point. They gave him a stack of papers, half of which he had no idea how to fill out. At one point, a nurse pulled him into an exam room and checked him over, finally sticking his arm with the flu vaccine, before letting him go back to the waiting room. Andy couldn’t sit, he was too anxious, pacing back and forth. His stomach heaved and twisted, and he scratched the back of his neck nervously every few minutes. After about an hour, a doctor walked into the waiting room and approached him slowly.

“Are you Mr. Dwyer?” she looked up at him from the clipboard she was holding. She appeared relatively young, but still older then he was. He nodded quickly.

“Andy,” he said to her, practically running forward. “Call me Andy, if that’s ok. Mr. Dwyer sounds like my dad, or…something.”

“Andy,” she nodded. “I’m Dr. Eckhardt, the hospital’s on call obstetrician. Nice to meet you.”

“How’s April? Where is she, can I see her?”

“Of course, Andy…but before you do I need to go over some things with you and ask some questions.”

“Okay,” he looked past her as two double doors opened to another hallway and quickly closed.

“Has your wife been experiencing any symptoms lately? Anything unusual or out of the ordinary?”

“Symptoms? Um, no,” Andy thought to himself. “No, she seemed all right until I found her on the floor. I mean, she’s been tired lately, like really tired, and we thought it was because of the baby. She’s pregnant, you know,” he added, not sure what else to say.

“Yes,” Dr. Eckhardt looked down at her notes. “About sixteen weeks along, from her regular OB’s chart. I managed to get a copy of her file. Andy, has April ever had a bad case of influenza?”

“Bad case of what?”

“The flu.”

“Oh,” Andy screwed up his face and thought hard. “Yeah, actually…right before we started going out, years ago…she was in the hospital when we lived in Pawnee, Indiana. I remember. And a couple times after that but she was never in the hospital for it again. Just the one time. Hey, can I see her now?”

“In a moment, I promise. Mr. Dwy—Andy—it appears as though your wife has a very severe strain of the flu. Made more complicated due to her previous inclinations to sickness and her pregnancy. Do you have any other children?”

Andy’s head was spinning fast. Everything seemed to be happening at rapid speed. April was always the one who dealt with all the medical stuff…he always just tagged along. “Yeah, two. I just took them to get their flu shots this morning, and…and April and I were supposed to go tomorrow for ours. Pretty sure some nurse just gave me one, though.”

“How old are your children?”

“My son just turned three this past Halloween, and my daughter will be two in August,” he told her.

The doctor looked at him and nodded. “There is a very severe strain going around this winter, and it tends to affect children, the elderly, and pregnant women the most, not unlike most other viruses. Have your children been sick?”

“Um, no they’ve been fine. I’d know, because when they get sick the house turns upside down, and our whole neighborhood can tell…it’s chaotic,” Andy explained. 

“Okay, that’s good,” the woman nodded. “The children needed to be vaccinated, so at least that’s done. I’m afraid, however, April had to have been exposed to this virus at least a couple of weeks ago now, so vaccination won’t help her at this point. We can tell by her examination upon arrival. Has she traveled recently? We haven’t seen too many cases of this strain in DC as of yet.”

Andy rubbed his forehead. “Yes,” he nodded. “She just came back from Chicago about two weeks ago.”

“That makes more sense. Okay, Andy. Thanks for letting me know. She needs to rest. We are keeping her on high alert because of the pregnancy. She was unconscious when she came in, passed out from a fever and severe dehydration. She was also running a temperature of one hundred and three—very dangerous for a pregnant woman.”

Andy felt his stomach turn again. He looked again towards the double doors that led out of the waiting room and cleared his throat. “Is, uh…is the baby okay?”

“The baby seems stable right now. Follow me, Andy. Let’s go see your wife.”

Andy followed the doctor through the doors and down another hall. Finally, she led him into a room filled with soft, steady beeping and whirring sounds. Slowly he approached the bed at the end of the room, and looked into the face of his unconscious wife. April was tired-looking, and her normally flushed face was pale. The covers were drawn up to her chest. An IV was connected from her arm to a bag a clear fluids, and a monitor was beeping from a wire tracking her heart beat. Andy noticed another monitor with a different screen and recognized it immediately as an ultrasound machine. Whenever he and April would go to get an ultrasound, they would laugh together about how the baby looked like an alien and tried pointing out different features before the doctor corrected them. He turned his head back towards April, feeling the wetness start to appear in the corners of his eyes. Reaching out slowly, he ran the tips of his fingers along her cheek.

“Do you want to know the sex of the baby?”

Andy turned, taking his eyes away from his wife’s still figure to focus on Dr. Eckhardt. He’d totally forgotten she was there. He shook his head. “No. We’re…uh…we’re supposed to find out together. I’m gonna wait for her,” he said finally. He pulled a chair over to the side of the bed and sat, gently taking one of April’s hands, skin still burning from the fever.

He felt helpless, and worst of all, he felt like this was all his fault.


	4. In Dreams

1:30 PM

April dreamed in colorful shapes. She saw faces swim past her vision: first Andy, then Jack and Allie…her friends she missed in Pawnee. All were blurry, rushed images, but somehow she recognized them all. _“This is a comfortable place,”_ she heard herself think. _“I think I’ll just hang out here and rest for a bit,”_ April suddenly felt a warmth spread across her right side. It was familiar, it was comforting, and something about it reminded her of home. She held onto the feeling a little while longer as she drifted in and out of thought.

 _“Andy,”_ she thought. _“Where are you, and why aren’t you here with me? Where are Jack and Allie?” It had to be way past dinner time and she hadn’t seen them all day, and Champion needed to be walked. “Andy,”_ she called out, loudly at first. No one was answering her. _“Jack! Allie?”_ But by now her voice was gone and she wasn’t making any sound. Their faces appeared again, and she tried to reach out to touch them, but her hands went right through them like water. This time there was another face, a tiny baby face that looked like a mixture of Allie and Jack. April stared at the face, which was much blurrier than the others and tried to reach out again. This time she felt like she was going backwards, farther away. _“I’m here, I need you to realize I can see you! I’m RIGHT HERE!”_ Their images flickered one more time and disappeared, and April didn’t remember anymore. 

 

2:00 PM

Andy woke to the sound of his cell phone vibrating. He opened his eyes slowly, hoping the day had been a dream, or an incredibly real nightmare. As his surroundings came back to him, he heard the monitor beeping and looked around, his hope of waking up in his own bed with April gone. He was curled up next to her, still and silent and sleeping in her hospital bed. Her skin was still hot to the touch, yet she shivered every five minutes. Andy leaned over and kissed her forehead. She was sweaty and clammy, but he thought he heard her mumble something indistinguishable. 

“I love you, April. I love you so much, I’m sorry I didn’t stay home to take care of you. I’m here now though, and I’m not going anywhere, so don’t worry.”

He’d originally been sitting in the chair next to her bed, watching her lie there and keeping his eyes on her, occasionally looking at the monitor screen. When he saw how much she was shivering, Andy decided to climb into the cot with her. Some little part of him had hoped she would somehow notice he was next to her, but he knew she didn’t. 

The bad thoughts swirled around in his brain: what if he’d waited too long, what if there was something wrong with the baby, had she been scared before she passed out? These fears tore at his brain until he had exhausted himself and eventually he’d just drifted off into an uneasy sleep. 

He was about to lie back down, intending to sleep longer so he didn’t have to think, but his phone started to vibrate again. He looked down at the screen, and saw _27 MISSED CALLS._ “Ahh, shit. How did I miss these?” he wondered aloud. Andy cleared his throat and answered.

“Hello?”

“Andy! Andy Dwyer where have you BEEN? I’ve been trying to reach you and April for hours and I haven’t been getting through,” The voice of Leslie Knope came through the phone, audible to anyone who happened to pass by, judging by the way she was shouting.

“Leslie I—“

“—calling for hours, no response, and with April pregnant and all—“

“Leslie, wait I—“

“—worried, Ben told me to stop worrying and go back to work but I know better—“

“We couldn’t ans—“

“—tried speaking to the DAYCARE lady to see if you dropped the kids off, but of course they hung up on me when they realized I wasn’t really your mom—“

“LESLIE,” Andy rubbed between his eyebrows and closed his eyes. He heard her stop talking immediately. “Leslie, April’s in the hospital…she’s really sick. She passed out this morning and she’s got the flu…real bad this time,” he choked at the last sentence and trailed off. He heard Leslie inhale sharply.

“Where are the kids?” Leslie’s demeanor changed completely and she suddenly spoke in a calm, soothing voice.

“Daycare, but I’m supposed to go get them by four, they have no idea what’s going on and I can’t leave April…I have no idea what I should do right now. Do I bring them here? Oh man, what do I tell them? They’re not gonna get it, they’re gonna be scared—”

“No,” Leslie said. “No need for that. I’ll get them.”

Andy blinked quickly several times and sat up a little. “What d’you mean you’ll get them? You and Ben are in Pawnee or something, for like, trick or treating, right?”

“No,” she said again. “I said a _meeting._ We have a _meeting._ Not trick or treating…Andy, it’s February.”

“Oh, gotcha. I thought that sounded weird,” Andy scratched his neck. He could hear Leslie sigh loudly over the phone.

“Anyway, I’m actually landing in DC right now. When you guys didn't answer ANY of your phones I got pretty concerned. I hopped on the first plane out of Indiana back to DC.”

“Where’re Ben and the kids?”

“Oh, they’ll be home in a few days. Ben doesn’t need me for the meeting, it’s some city planner thing anyway. Honestly, I just wanted to go for fun. The kids are with my mom for a bit. She’s happy to have them over, it’s been a while since she’s seen them. Anyway, enough about me, I’m coming now, don’t worry.”

Andy didn’t know what to say for a few minutes. Finally he spoke up, trying to keep his voice from completely breaking.

“Leslie I…I don’t know what to say except you are one of the most amazingly awesome people I know, and I’m totally gonna write a song about you. I don’t know how to thank—“

“That’s what family does for each other, Andy. I’ll get the kids and I’ll call you when I bring them back to your house. Key’s in the usual place, I assume?”

“Y-yeah…same place,” Andy inhaled a big gulp of air and wiped some moisture from his eyes. “Talk to you soon.” He hung up and turned to April. She was still sleeping peacefully, or at least he hoped she was. He wished he knew what she was thinking, whether she knew he was there, or just dreaming like any normal night.

“April,” he said softly. “You’d better wake up soon. There are so many people here who love you. You need to show us that you’re okay.”

 

3:12 PM

 _“Love you,”_ she heard somewhere in the distance. _“April…”_

She heard a dull humming in the back of her head, like one hundred bees buzzing in unison. _“I need to see my kids,”_ she thought. _“I need my husband…Andy will be worried about me if I don’t tell him I’m okay. I need to answer that stupid phone.”_

Somewhere to the left, April felt her fingers and toes move. Did they do that on their own, or did she try to do that herself? She really didn’t know, but she felt the sensation of movement. That warmth on her right side was still present, familiar and strong and comforting. Andy’s image swam across her line of sight, coming closer and going further away again. Was it just April, or did his features seem to be getting clearer? The green eyes she loved to stare in, the rough facial hair she would rub her nose into after she kissed him. His ever optimistic face and caring smile—yet he wasn’t smiling, he looked thoroughly saddened. It was all becoming clear now. She didn’t remember him beeping though…that was new. Why was he beeping?

“April?” 

She heard his voice, louder this time, but hesitant. Her head pounded as she tried to make sense of everything.

“April?” She felt a hand taking her own and fingers intertwining with hers. “Babe, it’s me, can you hear me?”

She saw a sharp blast of white light in front of her eyes, then blurriness. “What,” she could feel her mouth moving but couldn’t hear her own words. “Andy,” she swallowed, her voice was shot. Her throat felt hot and dry and thick from lack of use and no fluids.

“Sweetheart, can you see me? Oh God I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry April. I love you, I didn’t mean to leave you at home like that, it’s all my fault, I said I would take care of you and protect you and I didn’t—“

“Andy,” she finally saw him, pressed against her right side on the hospital bed. His eyes were a bit red and he looked exhausted. His hair was plastered down with sweat and he was staring at her with intensity. His eyes plainly showed sudden happiness, relief, and something else: incredible fear.

She smiled weakly at him. “Hey,” she said, as he let out a strangled half gasp, half sigh, and leaned over to bury his face in her neck. “S’okay babe, I think I’m okay,” she told him, before sudden realization dawned on her. “Oh, the baby, the kids,” she started to sit up and immediately regretted it. Her head pounded and her stomach heaved. Stars burst in front of her eyes and she settled back down right away. Her monitor began to beep faster. Andy sat up quickly and held her down, his hands gently holding her arms.

“No, babe, don’t move. It’s okay, Leslie is gonna get the kids.”

“Leslie?” April thought she heard wrong.

“Leslie,” Andy repeated. “I’ll explain later but Jack and Allie are going to be all set, back home at our house with their Auntie Leslie,” He leaned over and pointed at the monitor with the ultrasound image, which was finally turned on. Only then did he realize April had some sort of device strapped to her abdomen, which was responsible for the constant image feed. “There’s our baby.”

April looked at the image on the monitor and let out a breath. She seemed to settle down and she could hear the monitor beeping return to a normal, steady pace again. She still felt uneasy and slightly dizzy, pains springing up in random places. She shivered, and leaned into Andy’s warm embrace, before suddenly darting over the side of the bed and throwing up whatever small amount of fluid was in her system.

“Sorry…that was gross,” she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and settled back down.

“It’s ok, honey…we’ll just get someone to clean it,” Andy pulled her closer.

“April?” 

A voice from the door startled both April and her husband. Looking up, April saw who she assumed was her doctor walking toward the bed. Andy sat up to listen.

“Hello April. I’m Dr. Eckhardt, the OB on call, since your regular doctor is away this week. I’m thrilled you’re finally awake, although I’m guessing still a little woozy and feverish.”

April nodded, and Andy reached over to pour some water into a plastic cup by her side table. He stuck a straw in the cup and held it up to April’s mouth as she leaned against him for support and sipped.

“She just, um…well, don’t step over there,” Andy gestured to the side of bed where the floor was covered in puke. 

Dr. Eckhardt paused for a moment and smiled knowingly, before she crossed the room and sat in a chair at April’s bedside. “We’ll take care of it,” she nodded. “So, April…I’m happy to tell you your temperature is slowly going down, but still a little high for our liking. We have a bag of fluids going as you can see, and upon your arrival we gave you something to help with the symptoms, but nothing we thought would be harmful to your unborn baby. Of course, your care is our primary concern, but now that you are conscious again we can focus more on the baby…”

April guessed she liked this doctor enough. As long as everything was okay with the baby, everything would be okay with her. This woman was saying a lot of things, rather fast and all at once. She stole a glance at Andy, who was nodding with what she assumed was a concentrated look on his face, but she knew he was just as confused as she was. When the doctor stopped talking, April looked back and nodded.

“Would you like to know the sex of the baby? Andy hasn’t left your side since you’ve come in, and he already turned me down once when I asked him earlier.”

April looked at Andy, and he nodded enthusiastically. “I was waiting for you,” he told her. “I knew you’d want to be awake for this.”

“Thanks for thinking of me, babe.” April smiled at him and nodded at Dr. Eckhardt. “Yes, we’d definitely love to know.”

“All right, let’s take a look,” she said.

April was used to the ultrasound equipment by now. She watched as the goopy gel was applied and the long probe came out. Dr. Eckhardt ran it across April’s abdomen, and moved it in circles. “There,” she said smiling. “Right there. Looks like you’ve got yourselves a….baby girl.”

“SWEET!” Andy laughed and kissed April on the head. He couldn’t disguise the tears of happiness that were building up in his eyes. April smiled and wiped away a single tear of her own, just in time to receive a high five from her husband.

 

10:55 PM

“I love you so much, you have no idea,” Andy whispered to his wife. He ran his fingers through her hair as she nuzzled into his side. “No idea,” he repeated. “When I saw you on the floor, I…uh…I thought everything around me had gone away and it was just me, looking at you, and I felt…I dunno, I felt like I was dying. I’ve never been so scared before in my life. I never should’ve left to begin with.”

They were lying together, April wrapped snugly in the hospital blanket, her feet pulled up with her knees drawn as close to her chest as her tiny bump would allow. Andy stayed by her side all day and night, only leaving to call home, to talk to the kids and check in with Leslie. The hospital was generous enough to give him a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt to wear so he could be more comfortable (and those really soft socks—Andy made a note to ask for more to take home), and they were nice enough to let him stay with his wife, just this one night. Not like they could have made him leave. Andy had already mentally prepared to fight any person who tried to force him to go, but luckily it didn’t come to that. He really liked April’s doctor and didn’t want to have to argue with her.

“Andy,” she whispered, taking his face in her hand. “Babe, it’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself, I was the one who told _you_ to leave for work,” she kissed him, soft and sweet on his lips, lingering for a moment before pulling away. “Dude, you always take care of me, and our kids, and even Champion and he’s like two hundred in dog years.” She felt Andy grin against her lips. “You are the most amazing husband, and father, and I love you. Every bit of you…and we will get through this.” She took his hand and placed it on her stomach. 

Andy smiled. “I love you,” he mumbled. It’d been a long day and he felt his eyes getting heavy. Scooting closer and pulling the blankets up around them, he wrapped his arms around April and slowly felt himself drift off to sleep to the soft sound of her breathing.

 

Day 2

4:42 AM

“ANDY!” He heard the shriek and jumped awake, looking around for the source of the voice. April was no longer in the hospital bed. He saw that the bathroom light was on, and scrambled from the bed, turning the corner and stopping when he saw her. 

“ANDY GET SOMEONE, NOW!” April was sitting on her knees on the floor of the bathroom, tears running down her face, IV still in her arm and attached to the wheeled metal hook carrying the fluid bag. Andy immediately looked down on the floor and saw a dark pool of blood forming from underneath April’s legs. She was pale again, and breathing harshly. She looked terrified. “I w-was just getting up, I h-had these bad pains,” she winced and held her stomach. He felt that same familiar, swooping feeling he felt when he saw her passed out in the living room. He dropped to the floor and pulled her shaking body to him, trying to calm her down.

“WE NEED SOMEONE, QUICK!” he yelled, as loud as he could from the floor. He wasn’t going to leave her again, and he could only hope someone would hear them the first time. “ROOM 224,” he called again. He could hear nurses shouting and footsteps running down the hall. He looked at April who was openly crying now, and starting to hyperventilate. “April, April I’ve got you, someone’s coming, don’t panic, just breathe…breathe…” He felt her slipping into unconsciousness again, and called louder, “WE. NEED. HELP.”

“I need a stretcher, room 224,” he finally heard someone call. He could only sit there, silently afraid, holding his terrified wife as the nighttime nurses came running in.

 

5:05 AM

Minutes later, or was it hours? Andy didn’t know, but he felt like he was going to throw up while he watched Dr. Eckhardt start up the ultrasound machine again. She looked grim, like she already knew what they were bound to see, or not see. Andy just didn’t want to think about it. April stared straight ahead, not looking at anyone, silent. She held Andy’s hand, but he noticed that she wasn’t grasping so much as just making contact.

“Okay,” the doctor looked at the screen. Andy watched her face searching, looking determinedly at the screen and then back at April and Andy, then back again at the screen. She moved the probe around, paused here and there, and moved it some more, before clearing her throat. She looked uncomfortable. Andy watched her put the probe down and take her gloves off, the monitor screen unchanging and the room silent, save the beeping from April’s monitor. “I—I’m…” she cleared her throat again. Andy felt his insides clench and contract. He suddenly realized he was feeling lightheaded. _“It’s gonna be fine, it’s gonna be fine,”_ he repeated in his head over and over. _“Please be fine.”_

“I’m so sorry,” she started, looking from April to Andy. “It’s what we figured. The heartbeat is gone. The baby…I’m afraid April must have miscarried. The influenza took too much of a tole on her body and…it’s rare that it happens like this, this far into the pregnancy, but…the fetus wasn’t strong enough,” she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. “Once again, I’m so sorry.”

Andy immediately went to April’s side. He felt like someone had punched him out, stood him up and punched him out again, only he couldn’t stand because his legs were made of jelly, or pudding. He looked at April and watched as what little color she had drained from her face, and tears welled up in her eyes once again. 

“She…our baby was fine last night,” Andy choked out. “You need to look again, because there’s gotta be a mistake. I SAW her on the monitor, you told us she was a girl, and you said she was looking OK,” he needed to sit down, to lie down, to scream, to yell, to break something. Their baby was gone. His daughter he would never get the chance to meet. She would never get to know how much he already loved her and now it didn't even matter because she would never exist in this world. 

“If you need to speak to someone about grief counsel—“

“No,” April finally spoke, in a thin, strained voice, looking at Dr. Eckhardt. “No, we don’t want to speak to anyone…we don’t want to do anything. I need to leave, I need to go home, _now._ I want my kids, I need to leave,” she made to get up again, but Andy steadied her and held her shoulder down gently as the doctor spoke.

“April, I understand, I do—“

“NO, you DON’T understand,” April fired back. Andy noticed April was breathing very fast, the same way she gets when she’s on the verge of hyperventilating. He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her.

“Shhh, April, honey you need to calm down,” Andy whispered sadly, but he knew it was fruitless. 

“We were expecting a baby and now we’re NOT, because I got sick. From the _FLU._ The fucking flu,” she whispered, as her voice started to crack. Her breathing increased rapidly before Andy felt her whole body convulse into wracking sobs and she turned her head away and brought it to his chest.

The doctor nodded at Andy and said again, “I’m so terribly sorry, Andy. April will be discharged as soon as her fever breaks and she is feeling healthy enough to leave as her body starts to recover. I know you must want some time alone. Just send a nurse for me if you need me, for anything at all.” With that, Dr. Eckhardt turned and left the room, leaving Andy cradling his wife as the tears he couldn’t control finally ran down his face and into her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter seriously tugged at the heartstrings when I was writing it...It's been a rough ride for the LD family so far.


	5. No One's Fault

Day 2

9:37 AM

April woke to the sound of Andy’s voice. She lay there on her bed, cold and sore, and without her husband by her side. She honestly didn’t remember even falling asleep. Did they give her something to knock her out? For the pain? She had no recollection, but her face felt wet and raw from crying. There was a hallow feeling in her stomach and chest that wouldn’t go away, and she took a shallow breath as she remembered the events of the previous night. Opening her eyes, she saw Andy talking on the phone, looking out the window. She caught the tail end of his conversation and knew right away he was speaking to one of the kids.

“Hey, how’s my baby girl doing,” Andy said, trying to sound cheerful. “Mommy and I miss you so, so much. We miss you and we’ll be home soon, okay? You be good for Auntie Leslie. Tell her you want waffles for breakfast,” he paused, and then laughed at something the toddler must have said. “Yeah, of course, chocolate chips are the BEST. Okay, bye sweetheart, Daddy and Mommy love you so much.”

April watched him, realizing he didn’t know she was awake. Leslie must have taken the phone from their daughter because suddenly Andy was speaking differently.

“Hey again…listen I need to talk to you. Um…I have no idea how to say this Leslie,” he said. April heard that same crack in his voice she heard last night after they received the worst news of their lives.

“The baby…she is…she’s gone. April lost the baby. The doctor said the flu was too hard on April, or…or something, and too hard on the baby and she wasn’t strong enough,” he paused suddenly, before continuing. “Yeah. Yeah, they said it was a girl.” He paused again and listened for a long time before continuing. “She’s still asleep. They gave her something to calm her down.”

April could feel her insides clench and her heart beat fast. She couldn’t take sitting in silence. 

“Andy,” she called him softly. He spun around at the sound of her voice and quickly said to Leslie, “Hey, I gotta go…April’s awake. Thanks so much for everything, we’ll call you again soon,” he hung up and approached the bed.

April sat up slowly, trying to ignore the pain in her abdomen and the pounding in her head. Andy sat down next to her, staring at the ground. It was a long time before either of them said anything.

“This is my fault,” Andy whispered. “I did this, I caused this. I wasn’t there, and I could’ve gotten you here sooner and they could’ve done something. I’m supposed to protect you, and the kids, and now our baby is gone.”

April shook her head and leaned into him. “This isn’t anyone’s fault,” she felt those stupid tears starting up behind her eyes again. April didn’t think she’d ever cried so much in her life before. She wanted to go home, to be anywhere else, away from this place of bad news and memories. 

Andy looked at her sadly and paused for a beat before standing up. “The kids want to come see you. Leslie said they’ve been asking for us all yesterday and this morning. We should see if we can get them to come visit.”

“Where’re you going?” April watched Andy, shoulders slumped, cross the room to the door, apparently ready to leave.

“I need to walk for a minute, alone. I’ll be back. Let’s have Leslie bring the kids to visit later this afternoon, if you’re up for it.”

April nodded. “Of course I wanna see the kids. I also need to talk to you though, when you feel like it.”

“Sure,” he mumbled. “I’ll be back in like fifteen minutes.”

April watched him go. As soon as his back disappeared down the hall she felt an ominous sensation of loneliness, and for a second she thought about calling after him. The last thing she felt like doing was sit there by herself. Yet, she didn’t want to talk to anyone but Andy.

She knew her husband could be sensitive about some things, but protecting loved ones was a way of life to him; literally the vow he made to her the day they were married. April remembered back a couple of weeks ago when she traveled to Chicago for a few days for her work trip. Andy had wanted her to stay home and not travel anywhere without him, but of course she thought there would be no harm in it…and of course she traveled on an airplane probably full of sick people. 

April sighed. She felt this was just as much her fault as Andy thought it was his. She just needed to talk to him to let him know.

 

9:45 AM

Andy walked down the hall and turned the corner after leaving April’s room. Hands in his pockets, he passed by other rooms filled with people: families visiting loved ones, patients silently watching television or sleeping, and some rooms where the doors remained closed entirely. He walked and walked, not paying attention to where he was going, or who he was passing, down some stairs, up another corridor, past a nurses’ lounge. Looking up, he was coming upon a huge glass window, and with a sinking feeling, realized where he had accidentally ended up without trying.

There were a few people looking in the window. An older couple holding a balloon reading, “IT’S A BOY," a young woman talking animatedly on her cell phone, and a father holding up his toddler and pointing down into the room. Approaching the window, Andy looked down into the nursery and peered at all the newborns, the pit in his stomach clenching up again.

He thought of the two other times he was peering into a window like this, only those times he’d been feeling the complete opposite emotion. The first time was for Jack. He didn’t realize how much happiness his heart could hold until the moment he held his son for the first time. Jack was a tiny little thing. He arrived early, pink and squirming, and suddenly in that moment everything Andy had done in the past felt like it was all a test, leading up to his greatest role, that of fatherhood.

With Allie, (or ‘Alexandra the Great’ according to him and April) Andy had experienced the same feeling, but there was something different about a baby girl…he remembered it right away. Looking down into her tiny green eyes, watching her snuggle up to him and immediately fall asleep against his chest, he had the distinct memory of making a mental note to ask Ron how to use a shot gun to ward off any future boys who may try to win her affections.

“Andy?”

Andy looked up and realized his eyes were getting wet again, and someone was calling his name. He turned and saw Dr. Eckhardt watching him, a sad smile on her face. 

“How are you doing?” She had a few files and a clipboard in her hands. 

He just shrugged, silent.

“I just came back from seeing April, actually. I have some good news, if it makes you feel any better at all. She seems to be doing much better, in terms of the flu. I just gave her another dose of medicine, and I think that should do it. She’ll probably be able to go home in one to two more days.”

“That’s…ah, that’s great,” Andy nodded. 

“Do you want to talk about anything, Andy?”

“No,” he lied.

“April is a strong woman. I know this was a terrible thing, Andy, but these things do happen and they are no one’s fault when they do.”

“Right,” he tried to smile, but couldn’t. “Thanks.”

The older woman looked at him, and Andy noticed the concern in her eyes. Shuffling through her folder, she pulled out a sheet and handed it to him. 

“Here,” she said, pointing. “This is a post-op care checklist for April, for when she leaves. Make sure you keep an eye on her and watch out for any symptoms that may return.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“I’ll come check on her again later this afternoon. Take care, Andy.” The doctor gave him a squeeze on his shoulder as she passed him and walked in the opposite direction down the hall. Andy stuck the paper in his pocket and headed back toward April’s room.

 

12:10 PM

April didn’t realize she had fallen back asleep until she woke and looked at the clock. Maybe it was the flu medicine, or maybe just the events of the last day, or the horrible combination of both, but she honestly felt like she could sleep forever. Looking to her right, Andy was sleeping peacefully in the armchair, his head back and mouth open, snoring lightly. 

April smiled at him. The sensation felt funny, and she realized it was because it was the first time she’s smiled in almost two days. She wanted to wake him up, pull him into bed with her and cuddle up under the covers. She wanted to laugh at his jokes and listen to him play his guitar like he did on those special mornings the kids piled into bed with them. She wanted him near, and she wanted them to overcome this horrible turn of events that rocked their little family. 

“Andy,” she whispered. “Andy!”

His head shot up and his eyes snapped open, focusing on April. “Wa—was,” he let out a huge yawn, “…was just resting my eyes for a minute.” April patted the side of her bed and Andy climbed in sleepily, his tall, muscular body easily wrapping around hers and making her feel safer.

“Hey babe,” Andy yawned again. “Feel better at all?”

“Still tired, but a little better…just drained. Wanna go home,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“Soon, I promise,” he stretched out his arm so it was resting behind her neck, pulling her closer. He had that drowsy look that told April he would be snoring again in minutes.

“Andy?”

“Hmm?”

She paused, before saying in a thin voice, “We lost our baby.”

It came out of no where, and April knew he wasn’t expecting her to bring it up so suddenly. Andy tensed up and froze. After a few breaths he nodded slowly and looked down at her sadly.

“Yeah,” he stared at the wall, then at April’s hands. He couldn’t meet her eyes.

“Before you say anything else, or try to blame yourself some more, you should know that I probably caught the flu during my business trip, and I—“

“Shh, honey, we don’t have to talk about it. Please, not now. I just wanna be here with you, that’s all. I can’t talk about it. I just can’t.”

“Andy, we have to talk about this at some point,” she said.

“Please.”

“Okay…sure,” she closed her eyes, trying to fight the sleep threatening to overcome her again. “We don’t have to talk, we can just lay here together. This is what I wanted anyway.”

“Mm’kay,” he replied, already beginning to drift back to sleep.

April sighed and closed her eyes, feeling her body being pulled back into deep, hopefully dreamless sleep. 

 

Day 2

4:00 PM

“Mommy, mommy, mommy!!”

Their children had bounded into the room and surrounded her bed with flowers, a stuffed dog, and hand painted pictures for her. Andy smiled as he and Leslie followed them in. Once they had the OK from the hospital to bring the kids, providing April was feeling up to it and her fever was down, Andy drove home to meet Leslie and ready them all to go. 

April smiled, a child on either side of her, whispering to them, giving them kisses, and laughing and nodding in delight at the artwork they had made with their hands, with Auntie Leslie’s help.

“That’s Daddy,” Jack pointed to a blue splat of paint on one of the papers. “He’s holding a guitar,” “And that’s Champion, see? There’s his tail.”

“Is he singing to Champion?”

“Yep, Mommy, he’s singing ‘bout how Champion only has three feet,” Jack laughed.

Leslie snorted back some laughter from her spot against the wall.

“They’re beautiful,” April told the children, smirking at Leslie. “Momma loves them so much, thank you for them. They make me feel so much better.”

“When you coming home, Mommy?” Jack asked, touching the monitor wire still stuck to April’s finger.

“Soon,” Andy called from the bedside chair. “Mommy may even be able to come home tomorrow, won’t that be awesome, Buddy?”

“Yeah,” Jack looked at his mother’s legs under the sheets. “What ‘bout the baby?”

In the blink of an eye, the atmosphere in the room changed from cheerful to an uncomfortable silence.

After a few seconds, April tried to speak up. 

“I…the…the baby is…the baby will,” April stammered and looked confusedly at Andy and Leslie.

Leslie looked uncomfortable. Andy stared at the ground, at a loss for something to say when he was usually eager to provide his children all the answers. 

“Hey, princess!” Leslie recovered first, stood and scooped Allie up in her arms. “What do you say you and I go get some ice cream? If they’re _really_ good, we will bring some back to Jack and Mommy and Daddy.”

They heard Allie say, “Yay! Jack-Jack, me,” as Leslie walked down the hall with her. Jack still sat on his mother’s bed and looked at his parents expecting an answer. April was pale again. Andy cleared his throat.

“Ya know, Buddy,” he started slowly. “Sometimes… _sometimes_ things change and don’t happen…the way you think they will.”

Jack blinked at him, waiting. Andy sighed and continued. “I think the baby…the baby is gonna take a little while longer to decide if it can come live with us… And if the baby decides it wants to, then it will. But…not right now. Things changed a little bit and it’s just gonna be the four of us for a little while. Is that cool with you?” he tried to give a genuine smile to his son.

April sniffed, looking at a spot on the wall no one else could see, and Andy held his breath. Jack looked at his parents and after a long time, nodded and said quietly, “I hope baby changes his mind…want to meet him.”

Andy leaned over and gave his son a hug. “Me too, big man, me too. Hey, you wanna make another picture with me? Maybe now you can draw Mommy with her beautiful flowers you picked.”

Jack nodded and climbed onto his father’s lap while Andy pulled out some crayons and paper from their bag.

 

Leslie and Allie returned not long after their exchange, Leslie carrying ice cream cups stacked on a tray. The family sat for a long while, the kids enjoying their ice cream while Leslie turned to April and Andy.

“How are you feeling, April?” she asked, lowering her voice and looking at her sadly. “I am so, so sorry. Ben called me on the way over here and said he sends his thoughts and…he’d be here if he didn’t have that stupid meeting.”

“It’s fine, Leslie,” April pushed her ice cream aside. “Thanks for coming all the way here and helping Andy and me.”

Leslie just smiled. “Do you have any idea when you can come home?”

“Tomorrow they think,” April shrugged. “They said I should be all clear to come home around noon.”

“That’s great! I’m not leaving until everything is well on the way to normal,” Leslie added, eating a spoonful of whipped cream. She looked at Andy mid-bite, who was just staring at his children, watching them giggle and scoop tiny kid-sized spoons into styrofoam cups of chocolate ice cream. Allie had spilled half of hers on her clothes and most of the other half was on her face. Jack was dipping his finger into the whipped cream. Leslie cleared her throat, “Andy? You okay over there?”

Andy looked at Leslie and April and nodded. “Yeah, fine…I’m good, great even,” he said, unsmiling. “Babe, you need to eat something. Please, at least eat some ice cream. Since we’ve been here I’ve seen you eat like one thing, maybe. And it was a cup of yogurt, half of which you puked up. I’ll go get you some food from the caf—“

“No, I’m not hungry, Andy…I told you I can’t eat anything.”

Leslie looked between the two of them and spoke up, “So, Andy, the nurse told me they’re kicking you out tonight? Making you go back home to sleep?”

“Yeah…they told me I had to leave this time…said there was no reason to stay anymore so…guess I’ll just come home.”

“Well, that’s great,” Leslie said, trying to smile. “We’ll have fun at home with your daddy, won’t we kids?”

“Yeah,” Jack had chocolate all over his face. “We have waffles, Mommy? For dinner?”

“That’s up to Daddy,” April smiled and ruffled her son’s hair.

They all stayed together for about an hour more before Leslie took the kids home. April told her husband he should go home and get a proper rest since he’d be back and taking her home tomorrow, but he decided to stay for a little while longer.

“Babe,” April sighed. “You need to go home, you’ve been here for like two straight days. The kids want you with them, Leslie can’t take care of them the whole time.”

“I’ll go soon,” he was staring at the sheet Dr. Eckhardt gave him. April noticed he was squinting at some of the directions and was focusing on each line with determination on his face. “Hey, we have a thermo-mometer, right? Wait, that doesn’t sound right—“

“Hey,” she reached up and gently pulled the paper away. “Go home, Andy. There’s nothing left here for you to do for me. I’m gonna sleep and I’m gonna wake up and it’ll be morning and I can finally come home,” she kissed his cheek.

He closed his eyes when he felt her lips against his skin and nodded. “Okay,” he said. “I just want to make sure you’ll be all right when I go.”

“I know why you’re afraid to leave, you know,” April looked up at him. “Andy, it’s not gonna happen again, I’m not just gonna get worse and pass out…and if I do, I’m in the perfect place for it!” she tried to smile, but Andy just shook his head.

“Don’t joke about it, April.”

The use of her actual name was what made her realize how serious he was. They always used their pet names, and Andy never actually called her by her actual name unless it was a very serious matter, or a very passionate one. Either way, this moment was pretty serious.

“I’m not. I’m not trying to joke,” she could see the pain in his eyes and hear it in his voice. “Andy, _look_ at me. You didn’t do _anything_ wrong,” she stressed the word. She needed him to know that this was not on him.

“Yeah,” he said. “Except, you know, I went to work and left my sick, pregnant wife at home, and you fell, passed out, got a fever and we lost our unborn baby, but other than that, I didn’t do _anything_ wrong,” he stood up, rubbing his eyes. “Another notch on the Dwyer belt of failure.”

April stood up quickly to try to stop him in his tracks but regretted it right away as a fresh wave of dizziness hit her. She sunk to her knees on the floor, gripping the bed for support, and Andy immediately fell to her side.

“I’m okay, I’m fine,” she held his arm as she stood back up. “The stupid medicine they give me makes me dizzy.”

Andy lifted her gently and placed her in the bed. He didn’t say anymore about what he did or didn’t do, but pulled the covers up to her shoulders and leaned his forehead against hers.

“I’m sorry, I’m just…a little…I don’t know,” he closed his eyes and sighed.

“Just go home,” April whispered to him as she felt the medicine start to take over, and she began to drift to sleep. “I’m fine.”

 

Day 2

10:45 PM

Andy tried to sleep that night. It was weird; it was the first time they had been apart since he went to London, maybe a little after that. He didn’t remember. Either way, the bed was too cold, and even to someone like Andy who wasn’t exactly a small guy, it felt too big without April’s tiny body curled up next to him. He shifted uncomfortably, and tossed his pillow across the room. Reaching to his bedside table, he looked at his phone. The screen came alive, and a photo of him with Jack on his shoulders and April holding Allie upside-down, his daughter’s giggling smile contagious even in pixelated form, lit up the room.

No messages. Sighing, he tossed his phone to April’s side of the bed and fell into an uneasy sleep.

_He was walking through the hospital doors to pick April up. Today was finally the day she gets to come home. “The kids will be so happy,” he thought to himself as he opened the door to her room. Instead of his wife’s face, he saw an empty bed where a nurse was changing the sheets. The flowers, the pictures, everything was gone._

_“Where’s April?” he asked the faceless nurse._

_“Oh, you mean the woman who was here? The one who had the flu, with the baby, right?”_

_He nodded._

_“Oh yeah, she’s gone. Passed. Sudden middle of the night thing hit her. Fever spiked or something, she started convulsing, couldn’t bring her temp down, I don’t know.”_

_Andy felt the ice cold chill down his spine and his legs fell from under him. He looked wildly around, trying to find some source of the joke, it had to be a joke, but no one else was around._

_“That can’t be true,” he told her. “I was just here, I was just here and nothing happened to her, you’re making stuff up, I know it.”_

_“Nope,” the nurse bunched the used sheets under her arm and started for the door. “They took her out an hour ago. Tried to contact the husband and everything, kept saying the woman kept asking for her husband at the end and he never came. The poor thing… Here’s where the baby was supposed to sleep.” Out of no where, the nurse wheeled over a hospital nursery bed, and Andy looked at the tag: “BABY GIRL LUDGATE-DWYER”. The bassinet was empty save for a photo of April._

_Andy yelled, but no sound came out. He was yelling as loud as he could, when suddenly he felt something wrap around his legs, twisting him, constricting his movement. He continued his silent scream, until he was falling, falling, falling…._

He hit the floor hard. Snapping awake, covered in sweat, Andy scrambled up as fast as he could, trying to remove the sheets that were tangled around his legs. He was breathing fast and heavily. Remembering his dream, he dug into the sheets for his phone. He found it, and dialed April’s number.

“Pick up,” he thought. “Pick up, pick up.”

On the sixth ring, a tired, sleepy voice answered.

“Andy,” she yawned. He exhaled sharply and loudly, sinking back down onto the bed. “Babe,” she suddenly sounded panicky. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, honey, everything’s okay. I just needed to hear your voice is all. I wanted to make sure you were feeling okay and…they were taking care of you.”

“I’m fine,” she paused. “You really need to sleep. You’re exhausted and it’s been a pretty shitty couple of days.”

“April,” Andy’s voice was soft and tired.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, I just…I just love you lots and, just wanted you to know.”

“I love you too. Get some sleep so you can take me out of this nightmare tomorrow.”


	6. Steak and Whisky

Day 3 

12:00 PM

Andy turned his car into the hospital parking lot quickly. After everything, he was finally going to take April home. He felt good, although a little shaken; the nightmare from last night still weighed heavily on his mind. 

Through the doors, up the elevator, down the hall. He stopped to clear his thoughts for a minute before opening the door to April’s room.

Unlike in his dream, here she was…sitting on the bed, fully dressed and ready to go. She stood up slowly and shakily, but smiled when she saw him. Andy wore his Burt Macklin sunglasses especially for the occasion.

“Ready to bust out of this place, Ludgate? Or should I say, _Ms. Snakehole?”_ Andy grinned at her, and took the glasses off with a flourish.

“Oh, Agent Macklin,” she said with a dramatic gasp, grinning back. “I can’t _stand_ it any longer. Get me out of this place, quick!”

“I had to take down three doctors and five security guards to break into your room, Ms. Snakehole,” Andy continued, staying in character. “And I, Burt Macklin, the greatest FBI agent in the country—no, the _world_ —managed to perform open-heart surgery in the _elevator_ on the _way to your room!”_

“Oh _Macklin,”_ April played along, trying to keep a straight face. “You magnificent human specimen, you sexy surgical genius, take me home!” 

 

12:30 PM

They were finally, _finally_ driving home. April was ecstatic to be out of that place…away from doctors, nurses, machines, the smells; everything about the hospital reminded her of the baby she couldn’t have. They were mostly silent for the beginning of the ride, Andy staring straight ahead to the open road, before April started reading the various “feel better” text messages and voicemails from friends.

“This one’s from Chris and Ann,” (“ugh,” she thought, but still smiled despite herself) before playing the message on speaker, _“Guys, we are so sorry to hear about your loss,”_ came the distraught voice of Chris Traeger. _“We will be calling you soon. I have literally been crying all morning since Leslie told us.”_ Ann’s voice chimed in at the end, cutting off Chris’ sobs, _“Hope you’re feeling better April! Get LOTS of rest and fluids. Love you both!’”_

“That was nice,” Andy smiled, as April read a text message.

“It says, ‘Hey you two, we’re all on vacation in Greece right now or we’d come by. We’ll have a Treat Yo’ Self in your honor next time we get together. Feel better and be well, will talk soon. We’re all thinking about you, love Donna and Joe, and Tom and Lucy.’” 

“Nice, maybe they’ll bring us some Greek food…from actual Greece. That’d be _sweet,”_ Andy chuckled.

“One from Garry,” April hit the delete button.

“Aw, honey come on,” Andy looked at her.

“Fine, I’ll listen to it later before I permanently erase it, happy?”

“Oh, by the way, your parents called and they wanna come visit soon,” Andy said, looking at April out of the corner of his eye.

“Ugh…not now, not this week, maybe not ever. They’re suffocating and I don’t think I could take their sad, sympathetic looks and prying questions. Tell them another time.”

“Will do honey,” Andy nodded, before taking a breath and continuing. “So, I uh…wanted to ask you something.”

“Hmm?” April was still looking at her phone.

“Would you…I mean…do you think we should…I was…” he was getting nervous. 

“What’s up?”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about this the last day or so…” Andy took a huge breath before finally just blurting out, “Do you wanna try to have another baby…sometime?”

April froze and put down her phone. She would be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about it in the last couple of days, but only in tiny minimal thoughts that would flit in and out of her mind like a breeze. Not anything she thought could seriously come up in a conversation any time soon. A little part of her was frustrated that Andy would even bring this up, here, now, right after what they’d both gone through.

“Are you serious?” she raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, I’m totally serious. I’ve just been thinking about it, and—“

“Have you?” It was all she could counter with. She watched him closely.

Andy shifted uncomfortably. “Well, yeah. I mean, eventually. I just, I dunno… I’m sorry I brought it up, I just thought, you know…I just wanted you to know that I’m not opposed to the idea.”

“Well, maybe I am,” April shot back, harsher than she planned to come off. “Maybe I don’t want to go through this again. Maybe I can’t handle it, and maybe it’s just not meant to be. Either way, I don’t want to talk about it, all right?”

“Okay,” Andy looked hurt. “I’m sorry,” He turned all his attention back to the road.

April instantly felt bad for making Andy sad. She didn’t know what to say, so they spent the rest of the ride in silence until they were pulling into the driveway. A paper sign hung in the front window, decorated in painted handprints and flowers, and blotches that could only have been done by their children (with Leslie’s help, of course); the banner read, “WELCOME HOME MOMMY!!!” in giant, green letters. April smiled as Andy took her bag and they walked into the house.

They were greeted with an explosion of sound. April was bombarded with hugs from their children, as well as updates from Leslie about how everything had been running smoothly while they were at the hospital. Jack shoved a new drawing in her face while Allie whined to be held. April tried best she could to keep up with it all, but the energy started to quickly take a toll and she found herself gripping the nearest wall to steady herself. Andy immediately jumped in.

“Hey you two crazies,” he smiled at them. “Mommy’s a little tired, so why don’t we make her comfortable, okay? Then maybe we can surprise her with a special dinner?”

It seemed to work, because both Jack and Allie were suddenly calm and waiting patiently.

“We make cookies, Daddy?” Jack asked.

“Sure big man, why not?”

“Oooh, cookies!” Leslie clapped her hands together. “I know a special recipe that you guys will love, how about it?”

“Yeah!” Jack high-fived his Auntie Leslie and April smiled gratefully. She walked over to the couch and sat down, closing her eyes and leaning back. Champion jumped up beside her to lick her face and she started scratching behind his ears. 

“Come on, Jack,” Leslie took him by the hand and they hurried into the kitchen to get materials for later.

Andy scooped Allie up and sat down next to April with a heavy sigh. She looked over at her husband and daughter; Allie was yawning, and she was beginning to snuggle against her father, the telltale sign that sleep was soon to follow. April glanced at the clock and realized it was right in the middle of the kids’ nap time.

“Andy,” she began, reaching for his hand.

Andy kept his eyes on his daughter as her breathing evened out and she drifted off. Without looking up, he acknowledged April with a quiet grunt, which she assumed was his way of letting her know he was listening. However he never reached out to take her hand and that made her feel more lonely than anything.

“Andy,” she said again, turning her body to face him. “Talk to me.”

“What’s up?” he finally glanced in her direction, but the usual warmth in his eyes was gone. Instead, it was replaced by the same sadness she had seen too much of during the past few days.

“We should talk about this…about everything,” she said. 

“What’s there to talk about?” he asked her quietly. 

“Ever since this whole…thing…everything, happened, you seem to think this was all because of you and you have to make it right, or…or something. You think just having another baby will fix everything and make it better. We can’t just replace the baby we lost, you know…that’s not how it works—“

“I never thought that,” he said, looking hurt. “I lost her too, April, she was ours, and I may not have been the pregnant one, but I still feel like I’ve been stabbed in the gut every time I think about the fact that she’s not…I don’t know, not REAL anymore…” Andy trailed off, his eyes red again.

“Andy,” April was about to tell him that she was wrong to get so upset in the car, to go into all the reasons why he shouldn't assume they would never have more children, but was cut short by harsh coughs that came out of no where. Her lungs felt like they were on fire and she could only attribute it to the fact that her flu was finally making its way out of her system. The doctor had warned her this might happen. She squeezed the couch cushion and leaned her head back. Andy reached over to her and finally took her hand, giving it a tiny squeeze.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, I think so,” she sighed. “I think I’m gonna go lie down for a while.” She stood up and gave his hand a tiny squeeze before heading upstairs. Champion padded slowly after her, leaving Andy on the couch holding his sleeping daughter, feeling, if possible, even worse.

 

7:00 PM

Andy spent the rest of the afternoon playing with the kids and helping Leslie as best he could around the kitchen. He wasn’t a cook, so he left dinner to her, but when it came time to make the cookies, he was enthusiastic about helping his children shape and mold the cookie dough while sneaking tiny bites here and there and making them giggle. He almost forgot how lousy he was feeling, and would have actually been in the perfect mood if it weren’t for the fact that April had been upstairs sleeping since she left him on the couch. Several times he thought about going after her but didn’t. He wasn’t exactly sure what to say, and he wanted her to rest as much as she needed.

Finally, around seven o’clock he needed to get out of the house. Where he was going to go, he had no idea, but he needed to clear his mind. 

“Hey Leslie,” he looked over to her as she sat in the living room, coloring with his children.

“What’s up, Andy?”

“I’m…uh, I’m gonna go out for a bit, get some air if that’s ok. I won’t be too long.”

“Okay…” she eyed him suspiciously. “Where’re you going?”

“Driving around,” he said simply. Honestly, he had no idea yet.

 

Day 3 

9:00 PM

Andy sat at the bar alone, looking down his empty glass of whisky. He usually preferred beer, but times when he was feeling really low called for something stronger. Andy knew he shouldn’t be here; that he should call a cab and just go home. He knew he’d already had too much to drink (he lost count after three) and was definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol. His head was fuzzy and the room appeared to be moving. Where else could he possibly go that he wouldn’t feel like he did? 

He raised his finger, signaling to the bartender to pour another as he heard the door of the bar swing open. A short blast of cold air hit him for just a moment before the door closed again. Andy raised the glass to his lips and drank his drink in one gulp before noticing someone was sitting at the stool next to him. Not looking up, he heard the man clear his throat and a familiar voice spoke to the bartender.

“Barkeep,” the man said, and Andy raised his eyes slightly. “I would like a glass of whiskey, neat. I will also be taking care of this young man’s tab, and I kindly ask that you cut him off from this point on. Please and thank you.”

“Ron?” Andy blinked a few times and stared into the mustached face of Ron Swanson. “Now I know I’ve had too much to drink…” he slurred. “What’re you doing here in DC at this time of night? Wait, why are you here at all?” A look of horror crossed Andy’s face, and he gasped, “Oh no, Ron, did I drive back to Pawnee?”

“No son,” Ron’s mustache twitched, but he had a kind, soft look on his face that was not very Swanson-like at all. “I flew here after receiving what was probably the most hectic and erratic phone call from Leslie yesterday that I’ve ever heard in my life. She told me it was an _emergency,”_ Ron stressed the word, “and if I valued our friendship at all, I would come to DC right away to talk to you.”

Andy twisted the napkin under his whisky glass and looked at Ron. The older man looked at Andy, waiting, not saying a word. Andy knew Ron was waiting for him to say something.

“You heard about…April…and our baby?”

Ron nodded slowly, raising his eyebrows. “Diane and I are very, _very_ sorry, son.”

“So you know that this whole thing is all my fault then, right?” Andy started slowly, picking up momentum with each word he spoke. “You know that if I’d been a better husband, a better dad, not a…a failure at everything I do, this whole thing wouldn’t have happened, and we’d still be expecting a baby, and that I don’t deserve April, she’s too good to be stuck with someone like me who can’t even take care of her properly.” Andy’s eyes were glassy and tired. He suddenly wanted to be anywhere but there. He felt terrible just talking about it, but at the same time he couldn’t stop the words from flowing. “I mean, what kind of husband am I? She’s so good, Ron. She’s just so fucking _good._ She’s beautiful and amazing and super awesome and the best wife and mother ever.”

“So then tell me, why are you _here,”_ said Ron, “and not with April and your children at home?”

“Leslie is with them. I make everything worse,” he started to lean off the stool. “April would probably rather have her around than me, anyway. She can make waffles, and cookies, and knit blankets,” he looked down at his feet. “I can make cereal, and stuff you put in the microwave.”

“Leslie is not April’s husband. She is also not Jack or Alexandra’s father, no matter who she pretends to be on the telephone when she tries to extract personal information from their daycare center.”

“How can I be a good husband and father Ron? How can I do it when something like this happens and I can’t even be the one to stop it? All I had to do was stay home and take care of my sick wife. That’s all I had to do, and I blew it and went to work. For what? Money? April was sick, and she didn’t have anyone there to help her when she needed it most. They probably could’ve saved the baby if it wasn’t for me. Now it’s too late.”

Ron sighed and cleared his throat. “Let me explain something to you son,” he said. “When John was eight years old, he wanted to go bike riding into town. He asked me and asked me over and over if I could go with him, but like most things, I felt like he was better off getting used to the idea of being independent. Plus, I was refinishing cabinets for Diane at the time. So I told him to go alone. Well, a half hour later, he comes back home with a broken bike and a fractured arm.”

Andy’s eyes widened. “What happened?”

“He rode too fast down a hill, slammed right into a car parked in front of someone’s house. Did I feel like it was my fault?” Ron shrugged. “Partly. Does it make me a bad father? _I_ don’t think so, no. The point is, Andrew, bad things are going to happen to our children, and the ones we love once in a while. Things are going to happen whether we want them to or not. These things do not dictate how we are as people when they are out of our control. Even if I went with my son he was still going to try to ride down that hill and I wasn’t going to stop him, because how would I know he would panic and not brake correctly? He’s usually an excellent bike rider. It was a random, unpredictable accident. There was nothing you could have done for the baby you and April lost. That baby wasn’t going to make it from the moment April fell down, passed out. That’s the way it is, son. You could have been there and it wouldn’t have made a difference. What is important, and defines our character, is how we react and respond and deal with these problems when they try to mess with our lives.”

Andy looked down, and felt that one stupid tear in the corner of his eye trying to make a reappearance. 

Ron continued, “However, I have known you and April for a long time now. A very, very, longer than I’d care to admit, long time. I can tell you this son, and keep this in mind because I don’t say this often and I won’t say it again anytime soon, but I have never seen two people better for each other than the two of you. And if I know April, which I do, I know right now she’s wondering where her husband is and why he isn’t by her side with his children. Because he’s a good man, with a wonderful family who loves him very much, who certainly do not see him as a failure.”

Andy swallowed hard and stood up. He wobbled, and for a minute he forgot that he’d had quite a bit to drink. His eyes continued to water as he leaned over and hugged Ron tightly. Ron froze, and halfheartedly patted him on the back. Andy knew hugging was never Ron’s thing, but at that point he didn’t care. He knew more than most that deep down Ron was a big softie, and more a father figure to him then Andy had known for a long, long time.

Ron drank his whisky in one fluid motion and left cash on the counter. “I took a cab right from the airport. I’ll drive you home. But first, let’s soak up some of that alcohol with a nice steak,” He patted Andy on the back and steered him toward the door out of the bar.

“Ron, how’d you know where I’d be?”

Ron gave what could only be the faintest chuckle. “Son, I think I know where my children run to when they’re in trouble by now…it’s been, you realize, quite a number of years.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go! Thanks to those who have been reading this far!


	7. Melody

10:45 PM

Andy turned the lock in the front door and half walked, half stumbled into the house. The whole bottom floor was dark except for the light of the television and a lamp on the table beside the sofa. The steak he’d eaten had definitely helped, but he was still slightly dizzy as he tried to walk straight. He unceremoniously crashed into the counter as he tried to tip toe across the kitchen. A head popped up from the couch at the sound. 

“Wha, wha—who…more whipped cream, I—,” Leslie blinked rapidly, trying to assess her surroundings. When she saw Andy, she sat bolt upright and cracked a smile.

“Andy!” she stood up, stumbled slightly from sleep and ran to give him a hug. “You’re back! That means—Ron—did he come get you? Where is he?”

Andy nodded. “Yeah, Ron came and got me. He drove me home. He’s taking my car to a hotel and said he’d bring it back tomorrow morning.”

Leslie frowned. “Why’s he doing that? Why not just stay here?”

“I dunno, I told him he was welcome to stay with us and he mumbled something about ‘marital privacy.’”

“What?”

Andy shrugged. “Dunno Leslie, that’s what he said,” Andy looked around nervously. “Where’s everyone?”

“The kids are sleeping of course. We had a great night. I made dinner—spaghetti and meatballs—which, you’ll be happy to know, April ate a bit of. We had a puppet show with socks, played hide and seek, and gave Champion a makeover with some hair bows. And I gave the kids some cookies we made for dessert. April is upstairs, and I’m pretty sure she’s taking a nice relaxing bath. I cleaned out and filled up that huge tub and added some bubble bath.” She pulled a baby monitor out of the couch cushions. “ _This_ monitor is actually for April. The other one is with her, in case she isn’t feeling well and needs me.”

“Leslie, you are the coolest person…I still don’t know how to thank—“

“Andy,” Leslie held her hand up, silencing him. “I told you already, that’s what family does. Stop thanking me. Now go upstairs and see your wife. I’m going to just wait here if you need me.” With a huge yawn, Leslie pulled up the quilt and sank back down onto the couch. Andy smirked and ran up the stairs, two at a time.

He crept past his children’s bedrooms to his and April’s bathroom and peeked inside. April was deep in the bubble bath, eyes closed and head resting on the edge of the tub, humming something to herself. Leslie had fashioned a pillow to the tub so April’s head never had to touch the hard ceramic of the outer edge, and foamy blue bubbles were everywhere. Andy lingered in the doorway for a moment and smiled, watching her peacefully enjoying her bath. He almost didn’t want to disturb her, but this was way more important. He pushed the door open and walked in, closing it softly behind him. April’s eyes shot open and she sat up at the sudden sound. Once she realized it was Andy, she relaxed and sank back down.

“Andy,” she sighed in relief. “Where the hell have you been, dude, I was so worri—“ Andy crossed the bathroom in two huge strides and leaned down, silencing her with a deep kiss. He reached out, putting one hand on the side of her face and the other on her back, and before April knew it, she was being pulled up, dripping wet and out of the tub into her husband’s strong arms. Andy kissed her lips, her cheeks, her eyes, her neck; literally everywhere he could reach, breathing in her scent, making up for any and all the time away from home that he should have been by her side. He didn’t care that he was getting completely soaked from the tub water; didn’t care that he might slip and lose his balance from the puddles. When they finally broke apart, Andy had tears in his eyes. He pressed his forehead against April’s.

“Hey,” she whispered to him, a tiny grin on her face. 

“I love you. I love you so much. I’m so sorry I took off tonight. That’s never, ever going to happen again, I promise,” he said, rubbing her back and hiding his face in her black, shining hair. 

“Me too Andy, so much,” she whispered, clinging tight like she never wanted to let him go, her fists in his hair, water dripping everywhere.

Suddenly, a burst of static came over the baby monitor and Leslie’s voice spoke, “Permission to turn off monitor, love birds?”

Andy could hear the smile in Leslie’s voice, and replied, “Aye aye, captain.” There was a soft click and the static came to a complete stop. “C’mon,” Andy nodded towards their bedroom. Grabbing April a thick, fluffy towel, he carried her to their room.

 

“I missed you, Andy,” April was curled against his side, her two small arms wrapped around one of his muscular ones. They were snug in their bed, legs intertwined. He leaned his head against hers in exhausted bliss and nodded. 

“Babe,” he said quietly, “I didn’t mean to…you know…push you about having another kid or anything. I just wasn’t sure if that was something you wanted, or…I dunno. I mean, I do if you do. It’s just…” he trailed off, letting his words hang in the air. “We can talk about it another time, it was super inappropriate of me to bring it up so soon.”

April shifted closer and glanced up at him. She could see the sadness in his eyes, beneath the happiness of being there with her and the exhaustion of the week. This was not _her_ Andy she knew, her eternal optimist, her ever-smiling pillar of strength and safety. This was bothering him and she hated that he was feeling this way. 

“Andy,” she sat up and looked at him, wrapping herself in the comforter to keep the warmth between them. “I’m sorry about what I said to you in the car on the way home…it wasn’t right of me to just snap at you like that. You didn’t do or say anything wrong, I just need you to know that,” she looked at his face as she talked, studying his emotions. “I really do want to try again. I want us to have another baby if we can,” she said. She could immediately see the change in his face. For a nanosecond, she saw his mouth turn up into a semblance of a smile before he looked at her, suddenly concerned.

“April,” he started, “I don’t want you to agree to this for me. I want _you_ to want this.”

“I do. When it happens, it happens. I don’t know if I’ll be ready now, with everything that happened so fresh in my mind. I think I need some time to get over…everything. But I do, eventually,” she took his hand and kissed it. “I really do.”

“You’re the best, you know,” Andy looked at her, and smiled a half smile, not taking his eyes off her.

“I want you to promise me something,” April looked at him, returning the half smile.

“Anything,” Andy said seriously.

“I want you to promise me that you will just continue to be the awesome, amazing, super great husband and dad that you are to me and the kids. Can you do that?”

“April…”

“I want you to look at me,” her eyes didn’t waver from his gaze. “You are the _best_ thing, the best damn thing, that’s ever happened to me.” April kissed him, and broke away slowly. “Don’t ever call yourself a failure again, Andy Dwyer. Do you hear me? If you do, I’ll divorce you,” she smiled at the last bit, reigniting their old joke.

He pressed his forehead against hers.

“God, I love you so much,” Andy whispered.

“Love you too, babe. More than anything.”

 

_SIX MONTHS LATER_

5:30 AM

“Andy!”

He scrambled out of bed toward bathroom in the early hours of the morning when he heard her yelling. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he felt panic sparking up like embers of a fire that just won’t go out, and he thought about the accident several months ago during which he was woken similarly in the middle of the night to April screaming from a bathroom. 

As he came to, his eyes focusing on his surroundings and blinking away the sleep, Andy realized that this could obviously not be the same situation, and the thought calmed him down as he crossed the hall into the bathroom. April was turned away from the door, looking down at something he couldn’t see.

“Honey,” he said quietly, coming up behind her. “You all right?”

April turned around slowly and held the tiny stick up to show him. He looked down and saw a little box with two, tiny pink lines. Before he could put the pieces together, he realized April was smiling and her eyes were wet and bright.

“Is, um,” Andy began, looking from the stick to April and back again. “You mean…are you?”

She nodded.

Andy grinned and pulled her into the tightest, yet gentlest hug he could muster, and as April returned the embrace he tilted her chin up to kiss her.

“What if it doesn’t happen,” she whispered as they broke apart. “What if this one just—“

“Hey, hey…it’s OK,” Andy whispered back. “We’re a team, remember? We stick together no matter what happens.”

April nodded and buried her face in his chest.

 

_NINE MONTHS LATER_

3:28 AM

“You’re doing great, April, here comes another contraction, I need you to push, okay?” Dr. Eckhardt leaned down and examined April. “You’re almost there, this is almost over, I can see the head, I just need you to focus and breathe.”

“I’m— _ughhhh_ —I’m trying to, this just sucks so much,” April gritted her teeth and held onto Andy’s hand tighter than she ever thought was possible without breaking any bones. He wiped her head with a damp, warm cloth and kissed her hand. 

“Babe you’re so awesome right now, I’m so proud of you,” Andy told her, trying to be as supportive as possible.

“Babe, what’s—AGHH—what’s happening, can you check?”

Andy looked over to where the doctor and attending nurses were gathered, dressed in their scrubs and receiving blanket in hand, and stole a quick peek. He turned back to April, “You’re so beautiful honey,” he whispered. “You’re almost there…I can see the baby’s head. It has dark hair, I think.” He smiled at her.

April nodded quickly, trying to smile, but it turned into a grimace as the pain overtook her again. “OH MY GOD, NO MORE BABIES! ANDY! NO—MORE—BABIES!”

Andy nodded his head furiously in agreement as his hand was squeezed to what felt like pieces, and glanced at the doctor for support. The woman nodded and winked at him. “Great job Dad, you’re both doing great.” 

Doctor Eckhardt nodded at the nurses and said to April, “Okay, here we go. April, I need you to give one more big push, okay? One more big one and then we’ll be done. Ready? One, two, three, _push.”_

April focused all her energy into her lower body. Her pelvis felt like it was on fire and being torn apart, but with a huge exhale and a few screams, she pushed as hard as she could. Stars popped behind her eyes and her head felt like it was going to explode, and just as she felt as though it was all too much, and she couldn’t do anymore, she heard the shrill cry of a baby, and Andy quietly whispering, “Oh my God, babe, you’re amazing. I love you so much.”

She opened her eyes as she felt the baby being laid across her chest, pink, warm, and wailing.

“Congratulations, you two,” Dr. Eckhardt smiled at them. “You have a beautiful and healthy baby girl.”

April tried to blink away the happy tears that were threatening to leak out of her eyes. Their baby was here, she was real, and she was perfect. She looked at Andy, and he was having a much harder time holding back. His cheeks were wet with tears and he leaned over and kissed April on the forehead. 

“I love you, so much,” he told her. 

“I love you too.”

“You did it.”

“ _We_ did,” April reached forward to caress her baby’s head. “I can’t believe she’s here.”

Once their baby girl was cleaned up, weighed and measured, and wrapped snugly in a blanket, they returned her to Andy and April. April fed her for the first time and was happy the baby latched quickly and ate without any issues. After, Andy took her gingerly in his arms and rocked her slowly. He looked into her tiny brown eyes and smiled as she yawned, starting to drift off to sleep. “She’s you,” he said to his wife. “She’s a mini you.”

April smiled, exhausted, resting back on her pillow. Sleep was inevitable and she could already feel it taking over. 

“Yeah, but she has your nose,” April said sleepily. “And she has your ears, and your mouth…just like Jack…” Somewhere in her memory she thought of the dream she had that night she went to the hospital all those months ago, and it seemed to finally make some sense. “Andy, I think I had a dream about her once…I don’t know how I know, but I do.”

“Mother’s superstition? I mean—intuition?” he corrected himself, and shrugged.

“Yeah…something like that, maybe,” she closed her eyes and felt more at peace with the dream than she’d ever been in the past. Whether it was a coincidence or not, or just a strange premonition (of which April wasn’t sure she believed), none of it mattered compared to the fact that they had their beautiful, healthy baby in reality.

“Hey gorgeous girl,” Andy whispered to his daughter. “We love you so much, your momma and me.” He leaned down and kissed her tiny head. “You’re our girl and we love you.”

April sighed in that moment, feeling blissful. As she started to drift off to the sound of Andy singing softly to their newborn, she knew there was nothing that could make her life more perfect, and for that she felt eternally grateful. 

“She needs a name,” Andy stopped singing to look at April.

“Don’t stop singing,” April said drowsily. “That was an awesome melody and I was finally falling asleep.”

Andy gasped, making April’s eyes snap open again.

“What are you—what’s wrong?” She looked at him, full of concern. She was a little surprised to see that he had a big goofy grin on his face, and felt calm again instantly, if not a little annoyed.

“Babe you’re a genius. Let’s name her Melody. It’s perfect. Please?” He kissed their baby’s head again. She had fallen asleep to her father’s singing.

April’s annoyance at being woken up faded instantly as she watched Andy holding their new baby with all the love in his eyes she could ever hope to see. He was so happy, and to April, that was the best feeling. She nodded and told him, “I love it. Perfect name.”

“Awesome! Welcome to the world, Melody Ludgate-Dwyer,” he whispered to the baby.

Andy placed Melody in her little bassinet next to April’s hospital bed and climbed in behind his wife. April was starting to drift off again, and Andy placed his arm protectively over her side like always. It would be morning soon, and Leslie and Ben would bring Jack and Allie to meet their new sister. Andy thought about everything the past year and a half had brought them and couldn’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment. There were the highs and lows, sadness and incredible joy; fear, pain, healing and happiness—they had survived them all. His little family was amazing, and no matter what, he would be there for them and protecting them, always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read my fic! I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it!

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fan fiction in years. Just an idea that's been in my head and I hope you enjoy it!  
> Also: Aside from the usual canon characters/situations, any extras are my own (i.e., kids, etc.)


End file.
